Cautiously Optimistic Heartbeat

Both my husband and I went to my appointment with Dr. Baldy on Friday - it was the first time the two men had met and I wonder if my husband thought that this man would be looking at my hoo hoo in about 5 minutes. I should ask him that.

So I'm propped up on the little table with my feet in stirrups, no underwear on and a flimsy paper sheet to cover my private parts. Dr. Baldy squeezes the KY on the ultrasound wand and we're just about ready to go when I say, "Let's see if it's still in there."

He pauses and asks, "Have you had bleeding?"

"No," I reply, "But I've been down this road before. I've been totally sick, no bleeding whatsoever, and I go in and boom - no heartbeat."

Meanwhile Dr. Baldy puts the wand in and I instinctively look away from him, cuz I'm a shy girl and he hasn't even bought me dinner or anything, I can't look him in the face when he's doing THAT to me, and by turning my head from him I also turn it from the computer monitor so I hear the words before I see it myself.

"That's what we want to see. Looks like it's still there."

I look. My husband look. And there is it. A pulsating tiny little gray blog in a sea of blackness. My eyes begin to fill. There it is. Still alive.

"We will remain cautiously optimistic," says Dr. Baldy.

~~~

We go again tomorrow. I'm trying my hardest to be cautiously optimistic. It's a hard line to walk. I'll let you know.