You would think that being pregnant 8 times I would remember how much I dislike it.
I really am beginning to think I have something wrong with me. It wasn't until I was almost done with my master's degree did I come to the epiphany that I didn't like school. I always tested well, but I'm coming to terms with the obvious fact that I'm pretty dense.
I feel guilty even complaining, because I'm just over 8 weeks and I don't even know if I've ever made it this far, except with Moses, of course. But I'm so f'in sick that part of me honestly wouldn't be that sad if it all stopped tomorrow.
I actually felt this once before, after miscarriage 3. I was pretty sickly then too. My doctor had to give me anti-nausea medication just to keep food in me. The bummer of it was I was sick up to 10 weeks, when I had my first ultrasound, but the baby stopped growing at 7 weeks. So for 3 weeks I was puking and the kid wasn't even alive. So now when people tell me it's a good sign that I'm sick as a dog, I smile and don't say anything, but I know better.
Yesterday, I threw up while taking my shower. The only thing I want to do is sleep because when I'm asleep I can't feel the nausea. But I have my life, Moses, work, husband. It doesn't stop just cuz I'm pukey.
My husband thinks I'm being overly-reactive with my morning sickness symptoms so I can prove to him that I never, ever want to do this again. I told him I don't feel a need to prove that to him or anyone else. I'm never, ever doing this again.
And yet, when I go in on Tuesday, a week from now, I will be crushed if the heartbeat is gone.