Thursday, January 29, 2009

Cautiously Optimistic Heartbeat

Both my husband and I went to my appointment with Dr. Baldy on Friday - it was the first time the two men had met and I wonder if my husband thought that this man would be looking at my hoo hoo in about 5 minutes. I should ask him that.

So I'm propped up on the little table with my feet in stirrups, no underwear on and a flimsy paper sheet to cover my private parts. Dr. Baldy squeezes the KY on the ultrasound wand and we're just about ready to go when I say, "Let's see if it's still in there."

He pauses and asks, "Have you had bleeding?"

"No," I reply, "But I've been down this road before. I've been totally sick, no bleeding whatsoever, and I go in and boom - no heartbeat."

Meanwhile Dr. Baldy puts the wand in and I instinctively look away from him, cuz I'm a shy girl and he hasn't even bought me dinner or anything, I can't look him in the face when he's doing THAT to me, and by turning my head from him I also turn it from the computer monitor so I hear the words before I see it myself.

"That's what we want to see. Looks like it's still there."

I look. My husband look. And there is it. A pulsating tiny little gray blog in a sea of blackness. My eyes begin to fill. There it is. Still alive.

"We will remain cautiously optimistic," says Dr. Baldy.


We go again tomorrow. I'm trying my hardest to be cautiously optimistic. It's a hard line to walk. I'll let you know.

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